Two Guys, a Blog, and a Doomed Sports City

Playoffs? PLAYOFFS? WHO'S TALKIN ABOUT PLAYOFFS?

2005-08-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

Apparently, the Houston Astros are.

Storming back from being mired in last place in the NL Central, the 'Stros are now in 2nd place and are leading the chase for the National League Wild Card by a margin of one game.

Much of this turn around can be atributed to the incredible offensive firepower delivered by one Lancelot Berkman, coming off of an offseason injury to jolt this offense out of it's dismal first month form. It also doesn't hurt that the Astros' pitching staff features arguably the two best pitchers in the entire major leagues in Roger "Fountain of Youth" Clemens and Roy "Dominance Personified" Oswalt.

So the question is should rookie GM Tim Purpura have made a move at the deadline for Adam Dunn or a slugger of that calibre to further boost this lineup? The answer depends. If the price was a few of our pitching prospects like Nieve, Astacio, and Wandy Rodriguez, then sure. But sources indicate the Reds balked at sending Dunn for a package that didn't include both Troy Patton and Jason Lane. I believe that this team can make the playoffs without said trade if some of the youngsters like Taveras can keep producing down the stretch.

Once in the playoffs, the Astros are among the favorites in the National League with a playoff rotation boasting Clemens, Oswalt, Andy Pettite, and last year's rookie standout Brandon Backe.

Could this team get past the Cardinals and on to the World Series?

Check back in October.

Shaq v. Yao

2005-01-30T16:54:00.000-08:00

Who would have ever guessed that Yao Ming would outplay Shaq and the Rockets would still lose? Well, it happened, thanks to an inspired performance from Dwayne Wade and a generally awful defensive performance by the Rockets. The Rocketships allowed the Heat to shoot a cool 50%, much better than Jeff VG's team usually does. Watching the game, I could not really point out any specific problem. Rather, we just couldn't get it done.

So this is two straight losses now. I'd be getting worried but for our opponents, SacTo and Miami. Our next few games (Boston, Philly, Minn., LALakers, Chicago, and Indiana) will be a good barometer of how we are going to fair heading into the stretch run. These last two losses obviously have placed us below the 'elite' teams. What is important from here is how we are going to perform against teams that are at our general level (Minn., LA, Indiana), and how we will perform against the teams below us. Of these games we need to win a minimum of 4, and should be able to win 5 especially if Kobe still is not back.

Watching Yao really go toe-to-toe against Shaq could be a good harbinger. Coach Jeff seems to have done a good job rationing Yao's minutes to keep him fresh and this could be the payoff. Even more importantly than holding Shaq to just 15 points were two things: First, Shaq only had one offensive rebound. Shaq's O-rebounds are one of the most dominating aspects of his game and restricting those second and third chance shots is a necessity. And second, Shaq only had 5 free throw opportunities. Even though he doesn't make very many, you still don't want him at the line because that still gives the Heat free points and it means Yao is in big foul trouble.

So, as lame and cliche as it is, I would label this game as a "good loss". Ugh. What I really hate about that term is that it is so cliche that it is cliche to hate saying it. Ok, the "good loss" is officially played out. What is the opposite of a Pyrrhic victory? Maybe I'll just use a malapropism and call it a Pyrrhic loss. I wonder what the losing general's name was in that battle...

According to this site, the general's name was Publius Laverius Laevinius. Hm. Ok. From henceforth, let us dub the "good loss" a Publican loss. Does that work? I don't really like it but I'm going to go with it for now. Any recommendations are welcome.

Family Reunion

2005-01-21T10:36:00.000-08:00

What could be better than watching the game last night, complete with what seemed like pseudo-retro uni's, Orlando fans booing McGrady every time he had the ball, and then being forced to head to the reverse turnstiles before the conclusion of the game? What could be better than McGrady taunting the Orlando fans during his halftime interview by claiming he "loved" the boos? Oh sweet, sweet homecoming.

Is this finally the point where the media stops talking about how Orlando got 'the better of the deal'? I sure hope so. What all the pundits seemed to ignore/forget is that the Rocketships had effectively maxed out how far they were going to be able to go in the Western Conference playoffs. As much as I love Stevie Franchise and Cat Mobley, it just wasn't a team set up to make a substantial run to the finals. If we had magically transferred to the Eastern Conference I think most people would agree we would have become instant contenders to make it to the finals. So what did the Rockets need? We needed to upgrade from a star player (Stevie) to a superstar player. In comes Tracy McGrady.

Unfortunately we had to relinquish one of our strengths last year - depth up front and at the guard spots - to create for us what will in the long term be a combo that will give us the potential to make a title run.

The team seems to be settling in and actually playing like a team. T-Mac and Yao are beginning to feel each other out and figure out ways for both of them to be effective. Last night Yao had what might have been his best game of the season; not necessarily numbers-wise, but through most of the game he had a near-perfect combination of both control and aggressiveness. How often do you remember seeing Yao explode up from the middle of a group of defenders and just slam the ball down? Well, he pulled that rare move a couple of times last night.

On a completely different note, Mel Kiper Jr. has projected USC's Mike Williams as the Texans' pick in the upcoming draft. Now, I know that the draft is still months off and there will be a lot of moving around, but doesn't the idea of Mike Williams paired with Andre Johnson just sound amazing? If that happens, we could end up having one of the best WR tandems of all time I do believe. Oh goodness, thinking about this is turning me on. I have to go.

Rockets Revitalization?...and the Astros continued decline

2005-01-13T16:19:00.000-08:00

Over the last 13 games the Rockets have averaged 104.9 points. Over that period of games they have gone 8-5. Over the previous portion of the season they averaged 86.9 points with a 10-12 record. So, apparently we are better playing the opposite of "Van Gundy-style" basketball. Watching the game last night could be called nothing less than a sinful pleasure. Not just because we won; not just because I got to see Mark Cuban pout as the Mavericks fans cleared the stadium; but because we played exciting, emotional, at times dominant basketball. This was a team that looked like it could be a playoff force, even in the West. Are we at the Spurs' level yet? No, but by the end of the season I would not be surprised if we are the team nobody wants to draw in the playoffs.

The most important effect of opening up our offense, running, and pushing the ball is that it guarantees that all of our guys who want shots will have enough shots. When Van Gundy was imposing his lethargic gameplan, McGrady and Yao, in addition to the other players on the court, all seemed to be afraid to pass the ball because they didn't know how many more shooting opportunities they would have. Now the ball is flowing around the court opening up open shots and easy layups. Granted, this last game was against the Mavs, hardly a defensive stalwart, but we would have been scoring against any defense.

We also got to witness one more bit of evidence in the theory of "McGrady = God". After hurting his toe, McGrady got some halftime care and came back to have one of his best games of the season. He was driving and dishing, knocking down the outside shot, and even sparking the squad with a huge alley-oop. All with a hobbled foot. Brilliant, just brilliant. Throughout the game, McGrady was also vocally leading this team: telling guys where they need to be, giving encouragement, pushing anybody not completely in the game. This game is what everybody was expecting when we shipped of Stevie Franchise. Thankfully it looks like the Rockets are starting to put the pieces together because I was beginning to sink into a potentially bottomless depression brought on by the Astros' non-stop offseason debacle.

On that note, I update ESPN's list of players the Astros are now potentially pursuing. I do not think that I need to editorialize this list as the quality of the players speak for themselves: Sammy Sosa, Mike Cameron, Alfonso Soriano (for Backe and Chris Burke potentially), Jeromy Burnitz, Randy Winn, Danny Bautista, Jose Cruz Jr.

Does that make anybody else want to puke? Because I just did.

He Gone...

2005-01-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

Well, we have officially crapped out on the Carlos Beltran table. While this is upsetting, I think that we should focus on the fact that we will not be in the position of having an albatross-contract on our hands in a few years (remember when we tossed all that money at Hidalgo?...and he had a much better overall season than Beltran).

What I actually find much more upsetting is the rest of our moves this offseason. We let Wade Miller go for nothing. Clemens is now about as good as gone. Jeff Kent left town. Currently, according to ESPN's Rumor Central, the big free agent we are now targeting is...(wait for it)...Jeromy Burnitz. Yes, he seemed to be hitting better last year. But, yes, he was also playing half of his games at Coors Field. Now, if we had had a semi-successful offseason until now and were trying to bring in Burnitz as a temporary starter until Berkman is ready and then as a pinch hitter/occasional starter I would be fairly excited. I mean, the guy can really drive the ball, but if this is our BIG SIGNING...

What I am curious to see over the next couple of years is if the Beltran trade ends up setting us back a few years just as the Big Unit trade did. Granted, we did not give up as much talent for Beltran as Johnson, but this time we actually lost proven talent in Octavio Dotel. The only thing that we have going for us is that the Cardinals seem to have regressed slightly, even with the Mulder signing, and the Cubs are still the Cubs. Regardless, in the course of the last few months we have quickly gone from World Series doorstep to huge question mark.

By the way, has anybody else tried to figure out what our rotation is going to be? From the best that I can figure it could look something like:
1. Pettite
2. Oswalt
3. Backe
4. Hernandez
5. ???????

Is anybody else scared about having our #3 be Backe? Yeah, he was great at the end of last season, but c'mon. #3?!?! Ok, I am getting a little to depressed thinking about this train wreck. I will close by reminding everyone to get this week's Sports Illustrated featuring...MY #1 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TROJANS!!! Even though most of you are likely not pro-USC, you have to at least admit that you are anti-Sooner. What self-respecting person doesn't hate Oklahoma?

Fight on Trojans!

The Joy of ESPN's Gamecast

2004-11-29T19:44:00.000-08:00

Ahhh. The inherent joys of watching a game against your bitter rival not on television but on the wonderful technology of Gamecast. See, when you live in a region of America that would preempt Vince Lombardi coming back from the dead to coach a game and instead show the Oakland Al Davises you really have zero chance of seeing your hometown Texans. So, as I also declined to shell out for the DirecTV plan, my only choice was to sit in front of my computer and watch the game online. In text and basic graphic form.

If you have never used Gamecast, I suggest that you give it a shot sometime. Preferably with a 12 gauge shotgun. Ok, it really isn't that bad, but it is incredibly frustrating and you lose the entire point of actually watching the game. See, remember at the end of the second half when you got to watch that crazy blocked field goal where every Tennessee Traitor on the field, including apparently Jeff Fisher, Bud Adams and Ernest Givens, was running around pitching the ball to each other like a madman. Yeah, you remember the crazed madness of that play? Well, here it is in gorgeous prose: Texans 41 yard field goal attempt blocked, recovered by Michael Waddell (TEN).

Beautiful, isn't it? Thankfully I do have ESPNews, which filled me in on the big plays, in addition to both Fox and CBS doing a decent job with periodic updates. But, regardless, when that Gamecast update "Steve McNair (TEN) pass right side intercepted by Marlon McCree (HOU). Returned for 24 yards." came in, the air smelled just as sweet. To be able to spit on our former team!

Having watched as many replays as I can, and from my vast knowledge garnered through Gamecast, there are a few things that I noticed about the game. First and foremost is our running game. This game could be the breakout game we were looking for from Domanick Davis. No, it was not quite a dominating performance by any means, but if our backs can average anything over 4 yards per game...

What is most impressive about this win is how it happened. Down 21-3 late in the 2nd quarter, and scoring 28 unanswered points? That sounds like a very un-H-town type of game. I guess the football gods can't figure out if the former Houston Chokers should be humiliated or the newcomers. Hopefully the curse on the Oilers franchise hopped in the truck to Tennessee (it certainly looks it with what has happened to them since the move) .

Although it is highly unlikely, I think that we still have an outside shot of making the playoffs. Yes, I know you need 10 wins minimum in the AFC this year. Yes, I know that there will likely be a 10 win team left out of the playoffs. But bear with me for a moment. Our remaining games are @ J-E-T-S, Indy, @ Chi-town, @ Jaxville, Cleveland. Chicago and Cleveland should be definite wins. We have already beaten Jacksonville and they are a team on the decline. Leftwich will likely be playing injured for the rest of the season, leaving them very vulnerable to a loss. The Jets are still not sure whether Pennington will be back or even if he will be able to play at 100% if he does come back. Yet another vulnerable team we are hitting maybe at the perfect time. And finally is Indy. I have already predicted that we will beat the Colts when they come to the Energy Dome. If our running game and defense continue to build off this win against the Traitors, we could come in and stun Indy. Suddenly, 10-6 and possible playoffs.

More realistically, however, I am looking for us to finish 3-2 for a very respectable 8-8 finish. One more offseason of building our offensive line, building our defense, and letting our youngsters mature should be enough to set us up for a very serious playoff run next season.

The NBA's Big Problem

2004-11-24T01:58:00.000-08:00

As we all know by now, there was a massive brawl a few days ago at the end of the Pacers-Pistons game. As we also all know, the media has been in a massive uproar. Many media members in fact have been pointing to this event as an 'indication' of the Big Problem facing the NBA. Something to do with a 'disconnect' between players and fans, or some brewing resentment of some sort.

I think that this theory is just ridiculous. Athletes and fans not being peers? Athletes and fans haven't been peers since pee-wee league rules said that everyone had to play at least 2 quarters. Athletes and fans were not peers when Michael Jordan played. Hell, Wilt Chamberlain was much more enamored with the "celebrity" lifestyle than anyone currently playing the game and I don't know of any major brawls from that time.

No, using this incident to point out a flaw in the game is missing the point. Remember when ABC thought that the problem with Monday Night Football was the announcers? Remember, they hired Dan Fouts and Dennis Miller? Remember how that didn't work so they hired John Madden? (By the way, I can't decide if Dan Fouts' "The ball gets bigger because cold air expands" or John Madden's "That's how QB's and wide receivers talk--with their mouths and with their hands" comment is the best MNF color commentary of all time. If anyone has any ideas on this one, let me know...) Well, it turns out the choice of color commentary was not the "Big Problem" with MNF's popularity. Rather, ABC forgot about this little development called cable that has cut deeply into all broadcast ratings, something that Howard Cosell never had to deal with when MNF was setting the Nielsen bar.

But I digress. Basically, my point is that the Artest event was an isolated incident that people are focusing on while ignoring the pink elephant in the room. What especially makes me think this? Well, the fact that there have been tens of thousands of basketball games without anything remotely close to this ever happening, even when a player enters the stands (the Rocketships' own Mad Max).

So what is the problem? I think that it is almost painfully obvious: The play. The NBA is currently dealing with an unprecedented influx of youth and unbelievably inexperienced players. Instead of dealing with this situation like any sane person would do, Stern & co. has done nothing besides bitch and moan about 18 year olds entering the league. They wouldn't want to bitch and moan too loud because then they might lose revenue on those LeBron and Telfair jerseys. No, any sane person would take the NBA's Developmental League and turn it into a full-fledged farm system somewhat akin to what Major League Baseball does.

But, you say, what about the cost? Won't expanding the NBDL just be a loss leader for the NBA? Well, yes, but I counter by saying that the NBA doesn't seem to care about losing money on its extraneous investments. Case in point: the WNBA, which has lost more money than Charles Barkley in the VIP room of a strip club. In fact, I believe that making the NBDL a true farm system would in the long term create greater revenue possibilities for the NBA. With each team having a farm team, each NBA team would be effectively residing in two locations. Fans in minor league cities tend to follow their favorite prospects on through to the big leagues, typically rooting for the affiliated Major League organization.

But what about the players' money? Well, obviously the league would need to change the rules of the draft. First would be to extend the draft to five rounds. First rounders would have fully guaranteed "big-league" contracts for three years, just as they do now. Second rounders would have fully guaranteed "minor-league" contracts for a minimum two years. Third and fourth rounders would have a one year fully guaranteed "minor-league" contract. Fifth rounders would have the just-out-of-luck status that second rounders currently do.

How does this help the league play-wise? Well, it allows projects (Darko?) the chance to get real playing time and more hands-on coaching. It allows teams to better evaluate talent over a longer-term. It encourages teams to invest in real development rather than the draft and hope he learns on his own system currently employed. And most importantly, it increases the scope of the league within the United States. Do you think that a city such as Beaumont would get more excited about the NBA if they were the Rocketships' minor league affiliate? I most definitely think so.

Texans-Packers Recap

2004-11-23T17:33:00.000-08:00

Oh wait, the title implies that the Texans were playing Sunday night. Anybody listening to the ESPN announcing team of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann, and Paul Maguire would think that the Texans were just there to spectate and take in the awe-inspiring presence of Jesus, a.k.a. Brett Favre. It was the most incredible jock-riding display I've experienced since the 2004 NLCS when every other word spoken was about how great Pujols, Rolen, and Edmonds were. At one point, directly after Favre's touchdown pass to Donald Driver, the announcing dialogue simulated an orgasm as the following was stated: "OH what a pass, OH what a catch, OH what a play. The three O's gentlemen." ... ... ... Get a grip and break out the Herbal Essence PRE-game if necessary buddy.

Notwithstanding the horrendous broadcast booth, the game itself was very entertaining. The Texans played well until the 4th, when the weakness of our playcalling was exposed. A 10 point lead isn't really big enough to play it as conservatively as Chris Palmer was calling it. You have to let David Carr air it out a bit more and try to hit Andre Johnson for a big play. Carr only completed passes to three receivers. Dom Capers needs to get Carr to spread it out a bit more; he is becoming too predictable. Case in point, a key 3rd down and 5 late in the 4th, Carr hits Andre Johnson on a little drag and the defense saw it coming a mile away. Hell the entire stadium knew it was going to Johnson. Even the less than Guinness BRILLIANT! announcing team could see it coming. Also, we need a running game. Domanick Davis simply is not cutting it in the backfield. Give Tony Hollings a chance. Shake something up, it's getting embarassing.

As for the rest of this season, I think it's clear that this year's draft should center on improving the running game which means a feature back and improving the offensive line. Dunta Robinson should continue to improve to the point where I think we can leave the defense as is at least until next year's draft.

Also, David Carr, cut your hair you hippy. You don't want people to think you voted for Kerry or anything.

Texans Preview...?

2004-11-20T18:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry, no Texans game preview this week. We are both spending our time being completely confounded by the Rockets--are they awful (losses to Atlanta and New York) or do we still have hope (OT win at Clippers)? Also, mass confusion is ensuing over the possibility that Yao and T-Mac play better when not on the court at the same time. Texans postgame commentary will be forthcoming Monday. Watch the game on ESPN.

5 Suggestions for the Rocketships

2004-11-20T14:20:00.000-08:00

1. Anyone not named Tracy McGrady or Yao Ming may shoot the ball with more than 10 seconds on the shot clock. Under any circumstances. No more Charlie Ward bringing the ball down and chucking up a 3 from four feet behind the arc. No more Lue driving wildly to the hole dreaming that he is Allen Iverson. Wait til T-Mac or Yao does there thing, and kicks it out to you for an easy, open shot. When the ball is in your hands, go through this thought progression:
A. Look at the shot clock.
B. If the number is greater than 10, throw the ball to T-Mac or Yao and get out of the way.

2. Coach Van Gundy, a 5 of Lue-Jackson-Nachbar-Howard-Mutumbo is not an acceptable group to have on the floor. Under any circumstances. Ever. If we are up by 20 points with 5 minutes left, this is still not an acceptable decision to make. It is especially unacceptable at all points during a close game. We traded away 3/5 of our starting unit during the offseason to get T-Mac. He averages nearly 40 minutes a game, so it should not be difficult to alternate his breaks with Yao's. Basically, Yao and T-Mac should not both be out of the game at the same time. By the way, how long until JvG goes on the hot-seat watchlist?

3. While we are discussing Coach: Please cut the combover. Your shiny, well-waxed head could actually be a strategic advantage if you just came to terms with the fact that you are bald. If you would just cut that off, we could align your head to shine a bright light into the eyes of opposing shooters. It just works into your whole defensive mindset. Think about it.

4. If Charlie Ward is the equivalent of a 3rd string point guard, what does that make Tyronne Lue? Would he even be getting playing time in the ABA? With that in mind, should Lue be averaging 22 minutes a game? Did anyone out there realize that Yao Ming is on the court only 10 minutes more per game than Lue? Lue is NOT a viable option as anything other than for defensive pressure. Make sure he knows that. No more driving and trying to dish. No more creating.

5. Do something, anything, to fill up the stands. There is a reason that we are struggling to close out close games at home. The stands are half full. We have two of the most exciting players in the game; we have a brand-spanking-new stadium downton. There is no reason we should have trouble getting seats in the stands. Do whatever it takes to get that stadium roaring or we might as well be playing all our games away. The Clippers fans get louder than us. At the very least pump in some crowd noise. I mean, we already play music during the gameplay, why not crowd noise too?

Astronauts Hot-Stove Update

2004-11-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

Ugh.

Emo? Me? Do I quote Dashboard Confessional? The answer is no. Apparently my counterpart is just a bit embarassed himself at listening to, and enjoying, music for 15 year old suburban girls whose mothers picked them up 15 minutes late from school. Not really up my alley. Maybe McCown was just upset that he was covered on the final play of his IM football game and was ripped of any chance at glory. You would think that having a receiver that tall, the QB would be able to just throw a nice fade to the back of the end zone and let him out-jump the cornerbacks. What that would be forgetting is the fact that he has what we like to call "negative-ups". Yes, this is a difficult concept to master. You really cannot understand it without seeing it firsthand.

So on to the Astronauts update. The offseason started with a great whimper as Gerry Hunsicker unexpectedly resigned. Apparently he couldn't put that off for a couple of months or do it a couple of months earlier. I mean, why not leave at the absolute worst time of the year? So now Tim Purpura has been racing around trying to both step into his new job and deal with trying to resign some of our big free agents.

Jeff Kent, who we have been hoping to resign for a lower price, recently had what was described as a good meeting with the Detroit Tigers. As we all saw yesterday with Troy Percival, the Tigers are not afraid to overpay for good, but aging, players. Kent has not agreed to anything with them yet, but this looks like a battle we are on the losing side of already. With Chris Burke pretty much ready to take over I personally do not think that the Kent resigning is a huge necessity. I would rather dedicate that money to getting Beltran or shoring up our broken bullpen.

As we discussed in an earlier column, there is also the big question over whether the Rocket will be returning next year. We should assume that we will not have an answer on this for a little while, as Roger is still weighing his personal options against the Astronauts' offseason moves. A couple of big moves could be enough to pull him in, although he will likely be looking for a raise from last year's bargain-basement salary.

Some of our big names, including ACL-tear Berkman, Groin-tear Oswalt, and Rotator Cuff-tear Wade Miller are up for arbitration. Purpura now needs to decide whether to push for long term deals with these pillars of our franchise, or whether to just continue with the psuedo-one year deals. Especially with Berkman and Oswalt, it might be better to come to a long-term deal, as both are coming off great years that oftentimes can shoot arbitration salaries through the roof. They will most likely be willing to accept more reasonable terms for a number of years of security. Miller on the other hand will have little bargaining power going into arbitration and we will probably want to see how he bounces back from a couple of injury-plagued years before tying ourselves to him for the long-term.

And Beltran? Well, there really is nothing. We are assumedly in contact with extortioner Scott Boras, but according to all sources the 'Nauts are not considered serious contenders by anybody besiders the Homer Chronicle. I am still going to hold out some ridiculous hope that Beltran will have developed some "tie" with the city and be willing to shun the Boss' massive check to return. A "source close to Beltran" has beens saying that he prefers Houston to New York. But, obviously, money speaks volumes in these deals. Basically what this comes down to is whether The Extortioner is making the decisions or if The Natural is. Let us hope that it is The Natural driving this bus.

Just Write It

2004-11-17T21:48:00.000-08:00

So I was talking to Wessels yesterday, telling him that I was going to the Rockets-Hawks game. He said "My Emo glasses broke today." I asked him if the frames were crushed by the weight of his Emo hair, but he said no. (Liar.) Anyway, he's been harassing me about my experiences, since he lives his life vicariously through me, so I decided to give him a look at the life of, a Jeff Van Gundy stalker.

8:00 AM - Alarm sounds off, ringing in a new day, and a new PoliSci class at 8:30. Verdict? Fall back asleep.

11:00 AM - Alarm goes off again, this time for work. I actually get out of bed this time proving that a job that pays me 8 dollars and hour is seen as more worthwhile than a class I have paid 70 dollars an hour for. Tom Sawyer principle in reverse.

2:11 PM - I get back from work and proceed to prepare for my football game the only way I know how: play some Halo 2. Easily the best aspect about playing the game online is getting trash talked to you by pre-pubescent 6th graders.

4:58 PM - Arrive at the fields to get ready for our Intramural Flag Football game. Discussion about plays quickly degnerates into planning out a play where our entire team surrounds our Quarterback linking arms and forming a human shield. If this ever succeeds in a game, I'm quitting the league.

5:30 PM - The game starts. This is everybody's chance to relive days of playing competitive sports in high school, and everybody tries way too hard to take advantage of the oppurtunity. Some guys are decked out in more Underarmor and accessories than pro players. Some even wear white wristbands around their elbows to confuse girls. It's true.

6:34 PM - The game ends in wild fashion as our QB rolls out right, finds me covered in the end zone but takes it in himself as time expires. I am riding an intense high as I caught 4 passes, including a touchdown and an extra point conversion. I feel like Terrell Owens, but with a better body. Myself and 4 friends leave straight from our game to THE game at Phillip's arena to watch the Rockets carve up the lowly Hawks.

7:11 PM - We arrive at a parking lot, where we observe two people using a clothes hanger to break into a vehicle. Speculation arises that we might want to change parking lots, but then we look at my buddy's car and just start walking to the Arena.

7: 28 PM - Because we bought student tickets, it is understood that a free hot dog and soda should be included in the deal because it has the two previous years. However, this year, all that is provided is a free Atlanta Hawks hat, which is about as useful as Jay Williams on a basketball court. What, too soon? We spend 10 minutes bitching to a stadium official, who simply isn't having it and we have to walk to our seats unsatisfied. I overhear a buddy saying "I only came for the hot dog." That's dedication to sports, folks.

7:53 PM - Our seats offer us a spectacular view of Van Gundy's bald spot. The thing offers a brilliant sheen that outshines all else in the arena. Truly an amazing experience, almost religious. Yao looks on tonight, as he is hitting every shot. T-Mac looks slick in his leg sleeve.

8:14 PM - Josh Childress dunks on Yao, prompting the Hawks fans to go crazy. HE DUNKED ON YAO OMG LOL. I just smiled and nodded, knowing what was in store. You see, Yao CAN dunk all the time, but he doesn't because it's seen as showing somebody up in China. But if somebody posterizes him, he spends the rest of the game looking for revenge. Sure enough, on the very next play Yao calls for the ball in the paint and serves up a vicious facial dunk on Childress. Glory.

8:40 PM - The Hawks announcer makes me laugh out loud as he announces Drobnak shooting free throws as "Pedrag Drobnjak" and basically had a mini-seizure while saying his last name. I guess the only way to get Hawks fans excited it to shock them into staying awake.

8:45 PM - Half time features dancing performances by people in Chinese dragon costumes. I wonder if every place the Rockets play has an Asian themed half time, and I wonder if it pisses Yao off. Do you think the NBA had some rappers come to China to perform during halftime of the exhibition games? That would have been some funny stuff. Somehow this leads to speculation as to how much ass Yao gets, and if he hangs out with the rest of the team. I can just see him going clubbing with T-Mac getting the digits from various basketball groupies. And taking enormous bong hits with Mo Taylor. Wait what? Who said that.

9:21 PM - By virtue of it being "Student Night" at Phillips Arena, running dialogue about various hotties was taking place all night. It culminated in the spotting and pointing out of a girl clearly excited about adjusting to high school, and subsequently this ended the discussion pretty quickly. But not the ogling. Wait what?

9:45 PM - I am disgusted with Jeff Van Gundy. He frequently uses rotations without both Yao and T-Mac. The absense of both of these players from the floor at the same time KILLS our offense, and gives the other team a chance to close any leads built. I'm also baffled by the Rockets inability to execute fundamentally. Aren't Van Gundy coached teams supposed to be fundamentally sound? I do know that he is putting a cap on point scoring apparently. I can't believe a team with Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady is being held to so few points. Abysmal. My friends also want to leave early to beat the rush getting out of here. I'm pissed off, but have no recourse as I don't feel like walking or taking a bus home.

10:07 PM - I arrive back home, tired, sore, cold, and angry. About the hot dog.

Bring back Rudy?

Texans @ Colts, Wrapup

2004-11-15T19:59:00.000-08:00

Well.

I did get the highscoring Colts offense right. Really the only thing I screwed up was guessing that the Texans would make the game a true shootout. I mean, at least I did pick the Colts to win this one. Let's just hope that the Texans decide to take the rematch to justify my bold predictions.

So a-dub, I know you are asking, what went wrong? At first glance one might point out that we had a somewhat decent running game, with Domanick Davis pulling in just under 98 yards. What is more important is his very mediocre 3.2 yards per carry. Also, 32 of those yards were gained in the fourth quarter, after the game was already more than decided. So, even though the total yards hit a decent mark and Davis pushed in for 2 TD's, the running game never grew into enough of a threat for the Indy defense to truly respect it.

Do we consider this an official step back for Carr now? Two straight struggles? I think that any talk of an 'official' step back might be premature, due to the fact that we apparently showed up with a high school team to play defense. And next week's game against Green Bay isn't really going to get any easier. What I think should be reassessed is the fans' expectations of the team. Just now about halfway through the year we have nearly equalled our win total from last year, and should probably finish the season with six or seven wins. If our defense pulls it together we could potentially finish at .500. What we, the fickle fans, must remember is that this is a huge accomplishment. With one more successful draft, the Texans could very well compete for a playoff position in 2005.

Now to further clarify the reader question regarding armbands in the NFL. We were slightly mistaken about the type of armband in question. Rather, the reader was referring to the thin almost string-like bands some players have been wearing. Well, we have absolutely no idea why players like Marcus Pollard wear these. We can find nor think of no real reason that they are necessary. Rather, these bands likely are the players' attempts to subvert the NFL's draconian uniform laws and inject some individual personality into their getup.

Texans @ Colts, Sunday November 14

2004-11-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

The Texans offense should be able to rebound after last week's struggles against the Broncos, due to the Colts' major defensive struggles. It is up to our trio of wide-outs to all step up and give us some big plays. We cannot afford another gaffney (can this be the official name for Texans bloopers?) if we are to keep up with the Colts' high-powered offense. If we are lucky enough to grab an early lead, it will be up to Domanick Davis and Jonathan Wells to step it up and get us some quality rushing yards. A key matchup to watch will be tackle Seth Wand trying to nullify the disgustinly quick Dwight Freeney. If Wand can help give Carr the time to sit back and find Andre Johnson, it could be a high scoring day for us.

I shudder to think what will be happening when the Texans are on defense. We just don't have the talent to stop the lethal combination of Manning-Harrison-James. Plus with the talented tight end duo of Marcus Pollard and Dallas Clark. As pretty as it might be for the Texans on offense, it could be equally ugly on defense.

I predict that this will be a very highscoring affair (as I am sure everybody else and their mother's are predicting...) between two great offenses and two awful defenses. I'm going to give this one to the Colts, but mainly because the game is in Indy. Assuming both teams have no significant injuries/blowups, I think that the Texans will finally get their first franchise win against the Colts on December 12 at the Energy Bowl.

Unfortunately it is difficult for me to see more than highlights of Texans games, being way out here in LA-LA-land. Texans games get preempted for such stellar alternatives as Raiders-Panthers (very important for those fans wanting to watch two teams jockey for top-5 draft positioning). Apparently the Los Angeles broadcast affiliates haven't yet gotten the memo that the Raiders have moved way up north to Oakland. I should call them and make sure they know. Yes, yes, I know I could have gotten the DirecTV package and been able to watch any game my heart desired. But I didn't. It was a critical mistake, but it happened and I must now live with it.

Topic #2:

2004-11-09T23:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight we are discussing, now that Roger Clemens has won his record seventh Cy-Young, will he be back for the Astros next season and, furthermore, should he be back.

Roger Coming Backe? (Yeah I know. Sorry, short notice.)

2004-11-09T23:33:00.000-08:00

First off, I'd like to address a question our loyal reader 'V' asked earlier. The weird arm band things you are referring to could either be just a normal wristband worn around the elbow for purposes of style, or they could be these for protecting the arm against rug burn when playing on astroturf. Football players are very vain at heart, and like to show off the fact that they can look cool while making millions playing an awesome sport. Take note and perhaps sport a wristband of your own while going to class or going out - you could very well be the start of your very own fashion trend.

Meanwhile... speaking of the Rockets, who else is willing to chip in and get Yao a pair of those jumpsoles so he can actually get off the ground when he jumps? McGrady needs to take him to some plyo classes or something. Once these two get in gear, the Rockets will be unstoppable. I will be witnessing firsthand the synergystic effects of the two mighty gaurdians of the Legacy of Hakeem when the Rockets play the lowly Atlanta Hawks on November 16th.

Finally, on topic. Roger Clemens is certainly one of the greatest pitchers of all time, but I still consider Pedro Martinez to be above and beyond any other pitcher in the history of baseball. That said, Clemens has an important decision to make this offseason after recently winning his record 7th Cy Young award: whether to come back for another season with the Astros.

I don't think Clemens should come back. He pitched very well last season, but he was still new to National League hitters. This upcoming season he could struggle if the NL hitters adjust. In addition, Clemens wants to retire so that his mother can be present at his inevitable Hall of Fame induction ceremony. She is not in great health, and there is a 5 year delay between a player's last year played and the first year of Hall of Fame eligibility. He has cited this as a major factor in him possibly retiring for good.

Also, as far as the Astros are concerned, I believe they would be fine without Clemens. The rotation should be set 1-4 with Roy Oswalt, Andy Pettite, Wade Miller, and Brandon Backe leaving a 5th spot open for possibly the return of Carlos Hernandez. I would like to see top prospect Taylor Buchholz get a crack at the rotation this season. Roger still has a Personal Service Contract with the Astros, and I would love to see him come back in some capacity, maybe even as a pitching coach someday. I think he really helped our young pitchers this season with his experience and leadership. So Roger, go ahead and retire and thanks for a great season. You have rejuvenated baseball in Houston, and hopefully propelled the start of great things for the Astros. Take her easy - you deserve it.

All Hail the King!

2004-11-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

Before hopping into tonight's topic I want to say that the curse we discussed passingly a few days ago is live and well with McGrady already getting injured (albeit a minor one) just 5 games into his first season as Yao's wingman.

Roger Clemens has now cemented his legacy as the greatest right-handed pitcher, and maybe the best pitcher ever regardless of arm, since World War II. Winning 7 Cy-Youngs, at least one in each league, and appearing not once but TWICE on the oldest Cy-Young winners...only one word comes to mind: Reduckulous.

Now comes all the speculation about whether Clemens will, or even should, come back. There are two ways that you can play this: Clemens already wanted to be with his family, and that desire is just going to grow each year. However, Clemens also realizes that he can still dominate. Moving to the National League and getting a free out every three innings with the pitcher batting has given him a new lease on life. This is like the equivalent of an aging first baseman with a bum shoulder (yes, I do still want Bagwell) moving to the American League to become a DH.

I say he comes back for two reasons. First is that Clemens without a doubt is sitting at home pissed off about that Game 7 debacle. No, the loss was not his fault, but...

Secondly, we got to Game 7 of the NLCS without Pettite or Miller (The curse again? At what point does a curse become a Curse?). Obviously other factors impact the decision. If Beltran leaves and Ownership does not make a substantial alternate free agent pickup to fill our outfield void then there is no reason for him to come back. But if we continue to build for next year, I think that Ownership and Pettite might be able to coax him back with some well-placed 'coulda-woulda-shoulda'.

And should he? Yeah, he's the reigning Cy-Young winner. Screw 'going out on top'. Apparently Clemens is still literally at the very tip-top of the pile. Do I think he'll do it again next year? Probably not. But 13-15 wins? Yeah. And that could be enough to put us over the top.

Topic #1:

2004-11-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

Basic format is topic, with each of us speaking our minds, and being either funny, unfunny, serious, or just plain dumb.

Ok, let's just jump right into the first topic:

How do the Astros deal with the fallout from Lance Berkman's injury?

Berkman Fallout?

2004-11-07T22:25:00.000-08:00

Ugh.

First thing I need to mention is that I have huge doubts about the validity of this story. I file this one under Jeff Kent’s “washing the car” injury. Regardless, it also needs to be noted how often this seems to happen to us. I mean, Alou tearing his ACL twice: once running a treadmill (suspicious?) and the second time riding a bike with his daughter (extremely suspicious?), Carlos Hernandez tearing his rotator cuff on a slide, Billy Wagner getting hit in the head with a line drive, J.R. Richards having a seizure, etc…

But, now, to the real question. I think that this greatly affects the Astros’ offseason plans. And possibly even in a positive way. Lance Berkman is up for arbitration, and the fact that he will miss what could be up to half of the season will most likely give the Astros a break on what we will be paying him next year. Will this allow us to sign Beltran? I’d guess not, but even a few million extra could get us to be able to pull in a dependable middle reliever; exactly what we needed during this last year’s playoffs. So who plays outfield now? I really do not have any clue. Hopefully Willy Tavarez is ready to contribute and Jason Lane can also step up and play regularly. One of those guys could very well take this opportunity and just run with it, especially Tavarez. I would put my money on, again assuming no Beltran, we sign a Lofton or Finley type of player who will be a place holder for a year or two while we get our outfield in order. Then with Berkman coming back to give us a boost at the beginning of summer, I think we will be able to maybe make a good run at the playoffs. Again, assuming 2/5^th of our rotation doesn’t get hurt and 1/5^th decide to not forget how to pitch. Oh, well, actually maybe we should assume that. I am hoping for this to be something of a blessing in disguise. Or am I just stupid?

Flag Football? I mean really, Flag Football?

2004-11-07T22:08:00.000-08:00

Superstar outfielder in a first baseman's body Lance Berkman injured his ACL this past week playing "flag football" at his "church" while "donating a million dollars to charity" and "working on the cure for AIDS and hunger". How will this affect the Houston Astronauts? Well one thing is certain: the streak of an Astros player having a freak injury is still alive and well to the relief of millions of Astros faithful. We have survived Moises Alou's encounter with a vicious vigilante treadmill, Carlos Hernandez's left arm being completely removed from his body by sliding into 2nd base, Billy Wagner getting drilled in the face by a line drive, and even Richard Hidalgo getting shot (No hyperbole necessary for that one folks). This latest entry into the long line of unfortunates shouldn't prove to be that much of a shock to fans. It shouldn't even impact the team next season, as Berkman should be recovered by mid April. However it could stall negotiations between new General Manager Tim Purpurra and The Devil In Training: Scott Boorass regarding resigning the greatest center fielder of all time Carlos Beltran. Does Carlos really want to jeopardize his career knowing full well that the odds of him having a 40-40 season next year are about the same as the odds of him tearing his achilles while taking some laps across the catwalk of the Juicebox. (Wouldn't you want to do that too? I mean you'd be as high as a helicopter, or Mo Taylor; it would be nuts.) So on behalf of Astro nation, Lancelot, please take it easy on the churchgoers in the flag football games. They are probably still blissfully taking in the glory of the beating George W. Bush handed out to Botox Kerry. And as for Carlos, take him out on the town, and show him why Houston is the #1 Strip Club city in America. I mean... Church city... and book club city ... yeah.